


How To Take A Rae Vacation

by RaeC



Category: Highlander: The Series, Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, Stargate SG-1, The Pretender
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-08-24
Updated: 1999-08-24
Packaged: 2017-11-10 13:22:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/466766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaeC/pseuds/RaeC
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Well, I tried to leave them at home, but nooooooo, they had to come with. So any damage incurred during the course of the trip is the responsiblity of TBTP for allowing them loose. If they had just locked them in their cages as usual at the end of the night, we wouldn't be having this conversation now would we? Damn good thing at least one of them knew how to play craps, otherwise I don't think any of us would have made it home. Which reminds me, since we don't get paid for 'borrowing' the muses when they are allowed out to play, do we have turn over any earnings that they made at the craps table, or just make sure we report it to the IRS? Hmmm.....</p>
            </blockquote>





	How To Take A Rae Vacation

First rule of thumb, bring money, lots of money, you'll need it. <snicker> Next, bring the first aid kit, the one for treating six to ten people, not your standard travel one, it just won't do. Third, go learn all of Murphy's Laws. Chances are, you'll hit at twenty of them some time or other, and it's good to be prepared. <snerk> Those are just the basics. There are advanced courses for those with stomachs strong enough to handle em. 

Rae's Law Number One: Prepare for the worst and hope for the best. <snicker> Yes, yes, yes, I know, very strange law, but read on and you will understand...... 

Typical day: 

"Rae, just how long are we going to be stuck here?" 

"Quiet, Jack, please. I'm trying to write and you're whining." 

"I don't whine! And there is absolutely nothing to do here. One room, nothing in sight for miles, and two freaking channels on the television. Even ordering out for pizza is a long distance call!" 

"Hey, can I help it if I feel right at home? Go play in the woods or something." 

"Oh yeah, you, Methos, and Jarod feel right at home, having the time of your lives." 

"Ha! You're just jealous because you can't break Daniel away from the coffee pot!" <snerk>

"We are in hell and I'm paying for my sins right?" 

"No, Jack. Hell is just down the street. This is just the way station." 

"Right. Daniel, I can forgive. It's the first coffee pot he's spied since leaving Delaware. You on the other hand....." 

"Oh, come on Jack. It's not that bad." 

<sputter> "Not that bad?! Have you looked at the roof?" 

"No why? Is it leaking again? Just put another pot under it." 

"And what the hell is this book? Backwater translations?" 

<sigh> "No, it's not. We are in the bible belt remember? You know, the explanation for the sudden Rae transformation. What other reason would I have for owning, and might I remind you, actually wearing a sedate flower print frock? Each culture has its own colloquialisms. Just listen to the content of the statement, and you'll get what they are saying." 

"Why can't they just speak plain English?" 

"You know, I thought they were speaking English, Jack. Just because you can't understand 'an extra on the Gideon side', doesn't mean the rest of us can't." 

Methos, having followed the conversation with rapt attention, suddenly decided he needed to add his two cents. 

"I found the local customs endearing, Jack." 

"Oh, let me guess Methos. This is going to fall into the 'cute' category right?" 

"Yep." <snicker>

Jack turns back to Rae, not one iota distracted from his train of thought..... 

"And while I'm thinking about it, who ever heard of a restaurant that doesn't accept credit cards?" 

"Well, we were in West Virginia, Jack. And I did warn you ahead of time. *You* chose not to listen." 

"Yeah, well..." 

"Sometimes I actually do know what I am talking about you know." 

"Speaking of 'knowing' things," Jack pops back sarcastically, "what about that thing you were doing out there on the highway?" 

Feigning total innocence, Rae demurely questions, "What thing?" 

Waving his hands about in exasperation.... 

"That flirting with the truck drivers thing!" 

"Me? Never.....now why would I do that?" Rae purrs with just a hint of something else in her voice. 

"Yes you would! I'm just surprised you didn't lose the tank top." 

"Well.....I was thinking about it. Then I remembered where we were." <snerk>

"Rae!" 

"What?" <eg>

"Give over, Jack. You won't win." 

"And who asked you Methos? How can anyone in their right mind..." 

"Jack? Might I remind you just who...." 

Jack slapped his leg, still frustrated that he couldn't knock some common sense into the annoying female. 

"Oh right! How can I forget? We're talking about someone who just calmly breaks out her art supplies after losing half the car engine down the highway. What could I be thinking?" 

Laughing, Rae just shoos Jack away. 

"Why don't you just go over there and meditate with the Jedi or something? I'm sure they wouldn't mind a stable presence right about now." 

"Why is everyone so calm? Methos and Duncan I can understand. They've at least been with you for two years, but the Jedi?! Can't they manipulate the Force or something and get us back to civilization?" 

"Patience is its own reward." 

"Whoo! The Jedi speak! And just what the hell is that supposed to mean?" 

"It means, that we are new to the customs of this planet and every time I think I've learned the culture, we're already in a new one." 

"By the Force, Master, this planet is strange." 

"No, Rae is the strange one, Obi Wan. I think you two would have faired better chosing a slightly more *sane* Mistress." Laughing, Methos sprawls on the bed, happily enjoying the respite from Rae's ever changing personalities as they traversed the American continent. 

Duncan poked his head out of the bathroom, rubbing his head vigorously with a towel. 

"She does have your "Dear caught in the head lights" smile down pat, Methos." 

"Oh thanks, Duncan. What is this? Pick on Methos day?" Duncan just smiled innocently, the towel at his waist slipping a bit with the slight shake of his hips in response. Methos arches an eyebrow in return. 

"Is that remorse I see, Kiltboy?" 

Daniel returned from the lobby lugging the coffee pot, catching the tail end of Methos' comments to Obi Wan. The owners had taken pity on the young man giving him the machine. After all he hadn't left its side since their arrival. 

"Don't forget her simpering southern bell thing." He added around a mouthful of coffee. 

"Alright, *ya'll*. Quit being such pains in the arse or I'll take you out in the cow pasture 'til you squeal like a pig." Rae grabbed her shoes and put them on. "Behave yourselves while I'm gone." 

"Where are you going?" Jack demanded. 

"Oh, just for a walk. Thought I might take a gander down to town." 

"Jack? I wouldn't." The cheshire cat grin just widened as Methos watched the desire to just do something flit over Jack's face. 

"Why the hell not? Besides, someone has to keep an eye on her." 

"Well, don't forget. I did warn you...." 

"So what's in town?" 

"The car, remember?" Rae responded distractedly as she rubbed sunscreen over her exposed skin. 

"Oh, right." 

"Uh, Jack...." 

"What now, Daniel?" 

"Er, nothing...see you in a couple of hours." 

Jack and Rae left heading for the highway. Looking down the empty lane with nothing in front of them but more highway, cornfields, and forest, Jack suddenly stopped in the middle of the road, an important question suddenly coming to mind. 

"Rae....Just how far is town from here?" 

"Oh, its just a piece." 

Slightly annoyed, yet again, Jack turns to Rae. "A piece of what?" 

Rae, getting miffed at her reluctant muse who was absolutely refusing to enjoy the wonderfully warm day, calmed herself with a few deep breaths, and put on her supremely innocent face again. 

"Jack?" 

"What?!!!!" 

"Can you read?" 

"Of all the stupid questions....of course I can read." 

"Then look at the damn sign on the side of the road, buck up and enjoy the walk!" With that, Rae flounced off down the highway, happy at finally starting the journey to town. 

"SIX MILES!" 

Laughter erupted from the direction of the motel as Methos, Duncan, and Jarod heard Jack's exclamation of surprise. 

"Oh yeah, laugh it up boys. You could have warned me!" 

Methos, trying very hard to stop smirking, reminded Jack that he did, but Jack had already started jogging down the lane after Rae. 

"The things I have to put up with, just to be a muse." 

~~~~~~ 

<snerk> That was day two, btw. <eg> There was more. Poor things, and they wondered why I said to pack like they were going camping. 

Rae 


End file.
